A year between blogs, what’s changed?

Again a find myself almost year later, randomly checking in on my ‘blog’ and realising/remembering about what I seem to be so bad at maintaining.

I also just re-read my post from that time and there was a few questions/comments about my then most recent trip to Malaysia, the first since my uncle passed in 2013.

This will be brief to answer this one interestingly accurate statement from this post When “Memory Lane” really might just be imaginary in 2015.

So when you memories don’t seem to stack up to memory lane, is it the place that’s changed or just what happens when things just aren’t the same anymore?

My most recent trip in March was a special request from my mum, we just went back for a snap family reunion of sorts – her mum is turning 90 this year, (a momentous milestone age for someone of any generation but I’ll talk about my grandma in another post, hopefully sometime soon – she’s worth it) and we managed to organise this only in January.

This trip was a mixed bag for me, here was what was different:

1. I got to meet a cousin who married with two kids, and left Malaysia around the same time as I did, I have no memories of him.
2. I got to see his sister which I haven’t seen in 14+ years, she’s also married with two kids.
3. I got to other cousins I hardly talked to, ever. And even in my most recent trips, I hadn’t seen them then.
4. Oh and their respective partners and children.
5. I was there with BOTH my parents, and I haven’t been in Malaysia with them since I left.

It was all a overwhelming, now that I think back on it.

Back to my original reason for reflecting – memory lane. It’s weird that as I inch closer to another milestone year for myself (the big 3-0), I’ve started to really think back to how adult life is still in it’s own infancy of sorts. As a child, I would have been oblivious to all of the little factors of this trip – something I saw in my nephews.

Adult life, right? Things really change so quickly, sometimes suddenly.

You start to realise where your memories fall in your life, they were different not just because of the people, the place but because of how old you were at the time, your perception of them and how awesome they were ‘back then.”

I’m still so young in many people’s eyes, but I’m jaded in many ways or two. Things just don’t fly by me anymore, I’m a cynic and not proud of it but I accept it.

Let’s just hope I can still see the greatness in some of my more recent good memories, 20 years from now.

When “Memory Lane” really might just be imaginary

I recently returned from a holiday, which included the wonderfully sunny Europe and a stopover in Malaysia, my last trip was over 2 years ago when I went over to look after my uncle who has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. This was one of the uncles I also mentioned in my blog post here.

That same year, that very uncle passed away – within a year of being diagnosed, if I was to be truly honest with myself I knew his chances were rather slim when I realised it was at Stage 4, chances of survival were less than 20% with most passing away of another disease within 2-5 years of remission – topped off with the fact that he was a type 2 Diabetic. He was renown for looking not after himself, he always looked after others and putting himself on the back burner resulted in him passing away way too young for the modern era. I realise now, just as I am writing this I never wrote about this and although I wonder why – in a way it is better late than never.

I always knew that coming back for the first time following his passing would be the hardest, the weirdest, the one that set it in concrete. He really was gone. And this latest trip reminded me how much he was key to my memories of the place, the one that took me and my sisters everywhere – food, shopping, to our relatives houses. Always doing everything for us, with nothing more than a “thank you” or less when I was a child.

What also surprised me the most was everything I thought I liked about the country seemed to have lost it’s sheen – coincidence maybe, but I couldn’t help but see the correlation. Everything was different: traffic seemed unbearable, food just wasn’t as good as before and in general I had less ‘enjoyment’. Sure, I had just come from fun of Europe but there is still a part of me that felt like it was all because he wasn’t there.

So when you memories don’t seem to stack up to memory lane, is it the place that’s changed or just what happens when things just aren’t the same anymore?

I’ll have to see what happens when I got back again. Maybe it’ll be different.

Judging me through someone else’s eyes.

Today, I featured in the newspaper about being sick with the influenza for the last two weeks. During this time, I had been tweeting about my experiences as it being the worse and longest period I’ve been out due to sickness.

This resulted in an NZ newspaper adding a part about first hand experience on the cusp of the upcoming flu season as the country heads towards Winter. I was approached by a journalist late yesterday afternoon and asked a few questions about my last two weeks.

Most of the response was full of “well wishes” and “get better”. Some even commented “slow news day” and I laughed because to a point they were right – except it was a part of a larger more important article. There was however, one person who decided that I was a “narcistic………” which I thought was kind of harsh.

First of all, I didn’t ask to have an article written about me. Secondly, I didn’t write the article about myself, in fact this blog post is more self centred. And thirdly, it was part of larger more important article about upcoming influenza season.

Granted, I might not be newsworthy or deserve to be part of the newspaper but I don’t think I deserved to be unnecessary called names.

Judging people you don’t know online is just the same as judging someone in person, especially on the basis of an article. Prejudice in any form. And maybe this is a lesson to myself to not judge others, but it’s food for thought regardless.

Playing the Waiting Game

I’ve been doing a lot of waiting lately, so I decided to take a more lighthearted approach and hope that I won’t be waiting like that photo.

What’s worth fighting for in the long haul?

I recently accompanied someone to the hospital, I spent the day with them as they went through the process of tests, doctor visits, treatment, observation and everything else associated with those kinds of trips to medical centres.

During this time, as I kept them company they admitted to me that after the first diagnosis they had considered just letting the illness take it’s course over time – however once they had really thought about it they realised that in doing so there would be a few people in their life that wouldn’t be too happy about it, and would have liked to see them at least try to fight the illness.

I, for one was glad that they had decided to fight for their life, because sometimes I believe if we choose let go too soon – there is always a chance we’ll regret it in the end, and there is of course the people that we will also leave behind.

I parallel this against some other news I received this week, of another person passing away after a rather short battle (diagnosed this time last year) with a terminal illness. In this case, this person was given a time limit and it occurred to me that they were never really given a chance to fight it.

What I think I am getting at is – sometimes in life you have to pick and choose your battles, big or small, minor or major, whatever it matters to you. At the same time, it is important to fight for the right to live if you are given the chance to because there are some people who aren’t and in a way, to make up for that unfairness of life to try as hard as you can.

After all, you never know how far your efforts you will go until you try. In saying that, it is important to reach out to those who will support you during this time because there is no better time to realise, you can’t do it on your own.

Efficiency for effectiveness

Efficiency is doing things right; effectiveness is doing the right things. – Peter Drucker

I am currently overseas,for family reasons. Mainly to try and help family clean – however I have been faced with very inefficient practices, disorganisation and general lack of time management.

For some reason or another, I find myself thinking “Well, that’s rather inefficient”. I came here with the intention to help out, to provide an extra pair of hands. Yet as much as I find myself doing chores I feel like I am only scratching the surface. My relatives aren’t much help as they are pre-occupied with other matters, fair enough. But why take me along with them to run errands when I can clean up?

I often find myself asking questions about what I can do more of, they don’t want to answer me. How am I meant to help if I am not enabled? If not I am just another mouth to feed, another person who takes up space.

So how does one deal with this sort of situation? Short of having an argument (which they want to avoid), is there a better way of saying: Tell me what to do with this stuff, and I can take it away?

Woes of the English Language

What is this “English”?

 

This particular post comes from a recent experience after playing WordFeud (similar to Scrabble or Words with Friends) with a friend. He played the word “Kuzu” which I naturally questioned, he replied it meant “trash” in Japanese – and although I thought that wasn’t quite fair, he did counter with the fact that there are many words which feature in English dictionary that are borrowed from other languages e.g. Tsunami. Afterwards he then showed me that after some research, ‘Kuzu” was also Turkish for Lamb – to which I jokingly said, well that’s definitely not fair as we didn’t know which version the WordFeud dictionary was accepting.

The English language is one which many don’t realise has words which originate from various countries and other languages. When  you think about the origins and meaning of the word, including how it’s developed in the way words are pronounced or which syllables are emphasised – it’s amazing that people are able to learn it sometimes. Then of course, you can’t forget how English can be developed various dialects within certain countries, which may or may not be affected by how it was taught to people. After all, if you’re in New Zealand you would be able to understand how English differs from not only cities but suburbs of those very cities.

People often complain about others not spelling words correctly or not using the correct grammar – some would say it is just not being aware and there are possible more reasons. And maybe that’s the case if you’re typing it, after all “Spell Check” was created for a reason. Don’t forget  it could just be what we happen to pick off each other – it only takes a few people to say something incorrectly to catch on after all. And of course, there is the difference with written and spoken English – as you can be illiterate or unable to write or read words and sentences but you can talk to people.

Either way, it’s good to remember that when people are unable to spell or speak English properly that given all it’s history, the way words have come into existence, it is properly one of the harder languages to learn/remember/understand at times. Well I think so, and English is one of my first languages. After all, I still have my dad telling me to drop the “Like” and that is it “Mine” not “my one”. Haha

 

Cockatoo in a Humble Pie

Hm, pie.

After many days (make that weeks, alright it was really months) of ignoring my online resume on LinkedIn, I finally sat down at random hour last night and  REALLY started going into detail on what I have been up to work/career wise. Although I might have downplayed my roles (even to myself) from my rather sporadic employment since I graduated in 2009, somehow or another I still managed to spend 3 hours or so furiously typing as I attempted to fill in more details about all my tasks, responsibilities and achievements in each of those roles.

However, when I was finished for some reason I didn’t feel elated or proud – sure I was happy that finally after much procrastination I could actually say it had more detail and looks “full” yet for some reason I couldn’t help but feel a bit self-conscious.

Some people say, there is a big difference between being cocky and being humble – to me,  it’s more of two banks with a river in between. That is cocky on one side, humble on the other and a river that is a flowing mix of the two. Personally, I aim to stay on the humble side of the river because I always figured cockiness isn’t a trait I’d like to be associated with. In New Zealand, there is a term known as “tall poppy syndrome” and as a society it’s something we’re all apparently guilty of – this is said to happen when people who do well are ‘cut down’ by their peers for their achievements and made to feel bad instead of good. If that is the truth it could also why many of us are instinctively extra  humble, almost to a fault.

I realised that although I had no one to ‘cut down’ or make me feel guilty for being proud about my own personal achievements, I already had my own self placing doubt in outlining what I had done in life. There I was wondering myself “why”, should there be reasons for me to be proud of what I had achieved in my career, why should I mention them in a site designed for that exact purpose, what were people going to think? If anything I have been told by my employees, my friends, my family and random networking acquaintances that I have achieved something; yet here I was cutting down myself. What I should have been asking myself is why aren’t I more proud of what I have achieved in my career, why shouldn’t I mention it and why should I worry about what people think?

My personal conclusion? It’s is okay to be proud of what you have achieved, maybe not cocky because then you run the risk of resting on your laurels and never thinking you can do something wrong, but if  you can look back on to the things you have done in life and realise how they have shaped you to be the person you are today, what’s so bad about that? There is nothing wrong with being a little cocky now and then, as long as you are ready to have some humble pie when you aren’t always right.

Introducing… The Current X

During the weekend, I was enjoying what could only be called a truly New Zealand summer – that is beach, friends, food (especially ice cream) and people watching.

Although New Zealand is fairly small, I somehow for most of it manage to avoid certain people I no longer associate with – in this case ex-boyfriends. However, this time I was not so lucky. To set the record straight: we ended fairly amicably, we are civil when necessary and we have both moved on. Before I continue, I’ll set the scene…

On Sunday, I met my friends at a favourite beach spot who at the time were at the time watching a rather large group of people close by Salsa dancing. They were telling me about how various people from the group were dancing rather ‘sexually’ considering it was a public place and usually family friendly area, we all agreed it was a little odd and made us feel very uncomfortable.  After nearly an hour of people watching, it came to my realisation that one of the people in that salsa dancing group was: my ex-boyfriend. I always promised myself that I would attempt to be civil to him, made easier with the fact we ended things 6 years ago – so in an attempt to be the bigger person I approached him. He said ‘Hi’ and gave me a hug (that was a little odd for me), then introduced me to his friends as “Courtney… The Ex” which instantly made me feel awkward and perplexed, then proceeded to introduce his girlfriend as “The Current”. After attempting to ask what he was up to at the very same beach, I eventually walked away feeling really weird about the whole entire situation. 

It’s always interesting to see how people have changed with time, most people change for the better and some for the worse. I would hope that I am the former – however for my ex, I’d say he’s sadly the latter. Maybe it was his attempt to be funny, or to lighten the potentially awkward situation and in the end kind of making it even worse, well for me at least. I know for sure I myself wouldn’t have introduced him that way to any of my friends or even a boyfriend, because for despite our past relationship it wouldn’t be necessary to explain who he was to me to his face.

Although for the rest of the afternoon, I was very confused – one thing definitely made me feel better, he was a part of the weird group of people who were salsa dancing and it was every so slightly inappropriate genre for a very public family area.

NB: The title is courtesy of my friend, Asad who actually prefers “currant” over “current”. But one’s a fruit, so it doesn’t work for a title.

Judge me not

Who can judge?

I got a message from a friend this morning: she had told me that after a few weeks of messaging a guy, she had started to really like him and he seemed to reciprocate until he found out she wasn’t a vegetarian and also liked to drink. Naturally, she was devastated and as much as I felt for her I couldn’t help but be extremely annoyed by the guy’s judgemental behaviour.

Without taking a certain slant and avoiding sounding preachy, I’m going to attempt to explain why this annoyed me so much. Aside from the fact that the friend involved is a lovely person with the biggest heart and a very generous person (which really just added to my annoyance to honest), to me this is an example of people who need a reality check or two.  We’re often told not to judge people, and I myself struggle with this – but at least if you can attempt to not judge and to look past certain things,  isn’t that better than letting little things get in the way of something potentially very good.

If anything it just outlines this: he wasn’t good enough for her, he’s stupid and it’s his loss. If he had been smart, he would’ve have focussed on the good conversations they were having for the last few weeks and look past those two things. If I had been half as judgemental as he was in my lifetime, I’d be one very lonely person.

Try not to judge me and I will try not to judge you. Then maybe we can all be friends. 🙂